Great finger banging does come with responsibilities. A responsibility to listen, be guided, have impeccable hygiene and centre the comfort and pleasure of the person you’re putting your fingers inside of.
As someone who genuinely enjoys fingering, some of the experiences I’ve been having of late demonstrate we all need to have a good chat about how to safely and enjoyably put fingers inside a vagina.
Diversity! Not all vulvas are the same! What your last girlfriend got off on, I may hate. The way I like to be touched may feel like nothing-much sensation wise, be uncomfortable, or even possibly painful for someone else! If you want the person attached to the areas you’re touching to actually enjoy themselves allow them to guide you and at the very least be open to instruction and feedback. Making someone actually feel good when you’re touching them intimately is the goal, right?
Firstly, take a good look at this picture (if it’s too simplistic for you it’s easy to go find more detailed anatomical pictures via Google) take the time to properly familiarise yourself with the lay of the land. Vulvas are dynamic, each is unique in it’s *own way but having a working understand of What is Where will help immensely. You’ll notice that the Vagina is labelled separately on diagrams, because yes, the vagina is specifically one part of the vulva. The vagina includes the vaginal entrance and vaginal canal. The whole kit and caboodle is called the Vulva, as you can see in the picture above. Despite colloquialisms, and ‘everyone understands what you mean when you say vagina’ – I strongly believe in calling things what they actually are.
Next, do no harm: Cleanliness is HUGELY important. Are your hands and fingernails clean? I’m talking scrubbed properly with soap and hot water. Nails must be trimmed and have no dirt or debris underneath them. If you just clipped them, file them too. Work a dirty job? Invest in a nail brush and a proper hand cleaning agent. Whatever is on your hands and nails goes inside the person you’re fingering. If you have long, uneven or jagged nails that can very easily cause cuts or tears inside the vaginal canal. Dirty hands and rough nails hurt and invite infection into the vagina.
And for the love of all that’s good and golden please don’t ever jam dry fingers inside a dry vagina. That friction can create chapping in the vaginal entry, and can cause micro tears in the folds at the entrance of the vagina and internally. At a minimum it’s uncomfortable, but for me it feels like the most unpleasant tugging sensation in the world and can quite burn-y and painful. If the person you’re touching isn’t especially wet, it doesn’t mean they’re not interested or aroused – all bodies are different and produce lubrication in different amounts, or sometimes minimally/not at all. Lube is brilliant, put it on your fingers, apply it to the areas you want to touch. Slipperiness is next to cleanliness. Spit is not lube.
Gloves. If you cannot get your hands all of the way clean, maybe you’re a mechanic or an arborist, then nitrile gloves or finger cots are your friend. The person you’re touching may prefer a female condom or in a pinch you can put a regular condom over your fingers. Additionally, if the person you’re playing with has a sensitive vulva PH they may prefer your fingers be sheathed regardless so that they can fully relax and enjoy themselves, without worrying if they’re going to end up with an infection. Reactivity in the vulva may also change, cyclical changes create PH changes, diet and stress can impact all sorts of things like the stability of your ‘good’ bacteria. All of this is linked to gut health also.
It’s imperative to listen to and be guided by the person who is attached to the vagina you have your fingers inside. They know their own body. They know what makes them feel good and how to keep themselves comfortable and safe. They are the expert on how to make their body feel good. That said, there are definitely people who enjoy someone else taking change, so if you’re diving straight in without instruction, tune into the sound of your partners breath, their vocalisations and the feedback you’ll feel through your fingers inside them.
Butt-stuff. If you go from the pussy to the ass, you cannot circle back friends. The bacteria from the anus is a killer to the magical balance of flora of the vagina. You do not want to make the person you’re enjoying a sexy time with end up with a UTI or thrush. Again there are safer ways to navigate exploring play that includes both the vulva and the bum, you can simply wash your hands, use gloves, condoms, toys in place of fingers or collaborate with your partners hands/fingers to achieve dual stimulation. Some people also ‘double glove’ so that a layer of gloves can be peeled off to reveal a fresh set and not interrupt play.
Hand-sex and me. Speaking from personal experience, a finger from a clean set of hands with trimmed nails, all slippery with my moisture, with a dollop of water based lube added for good measure sliding inside me is where. it’s. at. You might find that after a short while of a finger sliding in and out of me I’ll be pushing my hips towards you, asking you for a 2nd finger, pretty please. (Bear in mind, that’s Me, my pussy and what I like.)
I definitely do also like my clitoris stimulated, but through the clitoral hood. Rubbing motions, no poking thanks! My clit is quite small and very sensitive. You may need some assistance to locate it, that’s so totally fine. I dislike my urethra (pee hole) being touched, if you rub past it on your way from my clit on the way elsewhere, it’s fine, but please do not attempt to stimulate my urethral opening.
I employ different methods to guide lovers when they’re touching my body. I show them, I tell them, I ask for a specific motion or touch, I frequently put my hand on top of the hand that’s on me and help create the motion/pressure that I like. This is operating from the premise that the person who has their hands on my pussy actually wants me to genuinely enjoy myself – there are occasional times in this line of work where it feels a bit blow-up dollish, so I will say that if you want to touch me, it is the bare minimum that you are not making me feel discomfort or being unsafe.
Ultimately I’ve had lots of really wonderful orgasms from fingering. The first time I ever had a big fat squirting orgasm was from fingering! I love fingers inside me. However, the small, but painful injury I sustained recently means that along with the nitrile gloves, condoms and lube I always carry with me, I’ve added nail clippers, a file and a nail brush – I’ll also be checking out your hands before they’re inside my panties.
I love my pussy, there’s a very strong probability that you’ll love my pussy too, so let’s work together to keep her happy 😉
You might be thinking to yourself, well that all sounds really complicated and not very sexy at all. I truly believe that very, very good sexy times are best created when everyone feels safe and comfortable. If you want to have a nice time with your fingers inside a vagina, it’s really not that hard to be hygienic, learn a bit of technique and allow yourself to be guided towards a pleasurable outcome. Complete anatomical knowledge should 100% be fully and comprehensively taught in schools, but it wasn’t when I was there and I doubt it is now. Sometimes we need to learn new things as adults and honestly learning new stuff about sex is my favourite kind of education.
The pursuit of pleasure is a noble journey, and in my experience it’s always been worth the time and energy to upskill my sexy repertoire!
Now go forth and excellently fingerbang the world! x