Something that has really, deeply bothered me about transitioning into full service sex work has been discovering the notion that bigger bodies ‘have to’ or ‘should’ charge less. As someone who has a 15+ years background in erotic media it’s been a difficult concept to get my head around. I have come across many shitty things in the Aus porn industry, including immense fatphobia, but I have never, ever been offered less money for a shoot due to my body type. And I certainly never charged less for my clips, OnlyFans or custom content.
How did the terrifically flawed notion of ‘fat bodies are worth less’ become so pervasive? Is it an Australian thing? Or do other providers experience this particular brand of fatphobic fuckery all over the world?
I have felt reluctant raising this issue because pushing back against mainstream beauty norms in the sex industry tends to raise the ire of shitty men & incels. To be perfectly frank, I also have zero interest in hearing retorts from sex workers who use their thin privilege to harm workers that don’t look like them.
While we’re here, let’s touch on the boudoir/escort photographers that don’t tend to feature the fatter bodies they shoot. Instead focusing on slim (& generally white!) escorts on their social media accounts. This is more subtle, but it is very obvious to me & I will not shoot with ‘togs who do this.
Let’s dig in. I want to unpack this a bit.
If you’re attracted to me, my body & wish to spend time with Me specifically, enjoying yourself intimately – how on earth is that worth less than someone who is slimmer than me? It’s nothing more & nothing less than total garbage that doesn’t make sense. Fatphobia doesn’t tend to though, so here we are!
I actually love the full service sex work I do. I love pleasure, adventure, excitement & intimacy. I make all of these special little connections, even if they’re fleeting or sometimes uncomfortable I strongly believe it is important work. I know that time with me is money well spent. What I cannot abide is the idea that as my brand & reputation grows as a provider that I will be unable to raise my rates in the way I see fit. I wasn’t able to enter this particular sector of the industry at the rates I actually wanted to either. Advertising on certain platforms just doesn’t work for me. I could go on.
And every single time I hear a still straight-size wearing peer say something along the lines of “I’ve put on weight, should I lower my rates?” it makes me realise that it isn’t just clients pushing the distorted narrative that fatness = less worth.
Fatphobia is intrinsically linked to whorearchy, when you’re telling folks they can’t charge higher rates because they’re ‘too big’ it creates a tier of workers that are above fat workers. Which is bullshit.
If reading this post makes you feel defensive, I strongly suggest carefully examining your reaction. If you think I’m talking about you specifically, I’m not, but maybe consider why you would feel that way. What I’m writing about here is ridiculously common & it’s something I’ve addressed directly & publicly in my private life also. This stuff is highly pervasive.
I strongly believe that there are many, many people out there that could stand to take a long hard look at the internalised fatphobia they carry around with them too. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a larger silhouette. Seriously, we’re in a global pandemic & what you’re most pressed about is your COVID kilos? I have so much compassion for the insecurity that arises when you put on weight, but it’s our job to address it. Speak to it, unpack it, explore it, work on it & put it in perspective.
Please. Don’t make fat people listen to you whine about how shit you feel because you’ve put on weight.
Clients. Keep your comments on how you’ve never been attracted to a fat body before x, y or z to yourself.
I love my body & I feel great about how I look. Your discomfort & disdain is yours & yours alone. Although I reckon you should probs do something about it sooner rather than later. You really do deserve to feel good about yourself regardless of your size & shape. Change starts from within though, it’s your work to do, not mine.
We all experience attraction to different things, & in different ways. That dynamism is the cornerstone of what makes the sex industry great. And I’m telling you, diversity is the most beautiful, excellent, & exciting thing. Open your mind & more things will make you feel great in your pants!
Be kind, & please do better.
Thanks for reading, this particular blog has been a long time coming.