As of February 10th 2023, I ceased production and sales of any more of my own content. I technically ‘retired’ from the photo/film side of sex work at the beginning of 2020. I deleted my ManyVids and OnlyFans and decided to shift my attention to in-person sessions, as I was enjoying those far more. Also the endless OF forced march of posting every day and forever shooting + editing was really getting me down. I was feeling resentful of the time-sink, even though the money I earnt afforded me all sorts of awesome things I couldn’t do on my regular wages. I was beginning to experience major burn out.
I did what was best for me and pulled back. Then we all know what happened in 2020. I couldn’t do much FS, much less launch my career in the way that I envisioned, so I did what I could, where I could. A little film for Feck here, a little shoot for Lustery there and custom content for long term fans. I put together some bundles of films/stills now and then too.
The thing that I’ve found is that most of my GFE clients are just really, really different to the sorts of clients that come from behind a screen/keyboard. This is a generalisation of course and there are definitely exceptions, but especially now that the content market is SO saturated, content clients expect a lot. They want discounts and deals and expect to pay very small amount of money for digital erotic labour. And porn has gotten more and more hard core – which I have no moral judgement about, but the $$$ versus the expectations doesn’t feel worthwhile TBH. Especially when I’ve personally found a lot of the joy has evaporated.
And here’s the thing about digital erotic labour. It leaves a footprint, no matter how careful you are and the more years I have spent doing porn in Australia the larger that footprint becomes. Not to mention the years I spent as a copyright enforcement agent for a small company here in Aus. I know just how far one spicy little video can go. I know all of the tubing sites that use Cloudflare to essentially dodge DMCA notices, I know all of the Russian sites that ignore DMCA’s and then there’s the random forums, mirror sites etc etc.
As a sex working woman in her late thirties, I have become discerning with my image and my energy. I certainly don’t do things that make me feel resentful. And I don’t do things that make me feel exploited. I especially don’t do things that make me hate my clients. Therefore I am no longer self-producing content and selling it.
Even with the content bundles I’ve created for fans before I wrap up, I have had leaks and several attempts to haggle – it’s disappointing and frankly enraging, but also unsurprising. This is the thing about porn, it’s been devalued to the point of dehumanisation by tubing sites, there are some porn clients (and it’s not an insignificant number) that think everything you do should be $5 or $10. They don’t think twice about putting your videos and pictures up on every tubing site in the damn world. Those sites then get scraped by smaller sites and so on. Your image, your erotic labour and a piece of your creativity is consumed and critiqued on free sites and I can’t actually stand it anymore. As a small time creator it not only fucks over your business, it puts you in danger. If you predominately shoot from home and you’re still in the same state and ultimately not a huge distance from where you grew up there is enormous risk. Australia is big, but it’s also TINY and I’ve had a couple of frightening run-ins where I’ve been partially doxed and it’s no joke.
As I’ve gotten older I have also apparently become more niche in porn and I don’t want to participate in that particular brand of fuckery. I’ve worked so hard to love myself in all areas, being picked apart for age, fatness, body-hair, not shrieking enough when I come is frankly of no interest to me.
Above all: Fuck The Hustle. I have a finite amout of oomph for saying ‘hey I’m great, pay me’. When you do the content, unless you go viral, or have a huge following that you are very savvy at monetising a lot of making money on platforms like OF and MV is hustle. Self promotion. Upselling. Cross promoting. Engaging with clients on your platforms, engaging with creators on these platforms and forever navigating the changing rules for billing, ToS, what things are/aren’t allowed and moderating – because yes, people will pay money to post hateful things on the videos you make!
If all I had to do was shoot myself playing, fucking, sucking, giggling and telling dirty stories, I’d likely still be shooting on OF/MV. Alas, content based SW is so much more work than this!!
If you’ve made it this far into this blog, congratulations!
Here’s the sweeter, heartfelt bit.
I first shot an erotic photoset for the ishotmyself project in the backyard of my share-house when I was 19 years old. It was published when I turned 20 and since then I have done countless shoots for myself, various companies both inside and outside Australia, creative projects, books, magazines, websites and documentaries.
I have had an absolute BLAST.
That is the overwhelming feeling and memory that I want to take away from my 18+ years of doing porno in Australia. I don’t want to be jaded or burnt out! I want to look back on all of those naked on-screen adventures with fondness and softness. I want to focus on the positives, the incredible fun I’ve had and the way I have funded my BodySex facilitator training and accreditation with the money I made from content. And the gorgeous travel I was able to do too!
Also the way that I honestly had no idea just how many fans I had in Aus until they starting showing up the Feck Sexpo booth in 2017. Which resulted in me creating a Twitter account, then an OnlyFans, then a MV and really stepping up my own erotic creative endeavours – instead of making sexy things in my bedroom that never saw the light of day…
Thank you to every single person that ever subscribed to my platforms, that used my promo codes back in the day, to the OG fans that have followed since the beginning and the new ones who brought fresh energy and excitement into my little corner of the erotic universe.
I have felt so sexy, so rich, ripe and desirable. I have healed myself and according to some of your messages, healed you. It’s been dirty, it’s been real, and above all it’s been righteously orgasmic.
I love y’all, I truly do.
Orgasmically yours,
Hyperballad.
Tayla.
Betty.
Pleasant_Danger.
Alex.
Ps. I do have some unpublished things coming up, I’ll post on my Twitter as and when they land on the internet for you all.